Sorry
by GingerPygmy99
Summary: I had to do this, I had to go with him because what would my life be like if I didn't? Would everything even be worth it? What would I even be fighting for? I ran over and grabbed my beaded bag and my coat, and tears streaming down my face, I lifted my hand to Harry's shoulder, and whispered ."Sorry". What happens if Hermione chooses to go with Ron when he leaves.
1. Chapter 1

Hey Potterheads! I've recently been to Leavesdon Studios and wow it was amazing. I got to sit in Ron's flying car, and have a picture with Dobby, and stand outside the opening to the Chamber of Secrets, you know the "Harry talks in his sleep have you noticed?" scene. It was amazing. I really recommend it. Anyway, I thought about this idea on the way back on the train, and so I've sat and planned some ideas and here you go. I hope you enjoy it and please drop me a review. Depending on how well the response is to this story, I will continue :) GP x Disclaimer: all rights to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.

**Sorry**

**Chapter 1**

"I get it, you choose him".

I stopped in my tracks, my breath caught as I stared into Ron's eyes. How on earth could he possibly think that? My heart beat erratically as his expression showed nothing but hurt. Why was he hurt? Nothing makes sense!

"No- what? Of cours-"

"Well, I suppose its obvious now- you've always been close- why didn't I see it?",he took a step further towards the tent entrance, and my heart dropped at the thought of him walking out and never coming back. I had to make him see sense!

"No! Ron you've got it all wrong, Harry and I, we're best friends- take off the locket okay?" I reached forward and touched his neck, gliding my hands down as I tried to feel for the chain. I felt it- cold and dead over his heart. Ron pushed my hands away, but I tugged on the chain, determined to get this thing away from him, this object that was poisoning him, taking away the Ron that I knew and loved.

"Ronald! Take off the locket! Now!" I half shouted, fear and panic starting to rise into my voice. My eyes flicked back to Harry, to register how he was taking this, but he was facing towards the kitchen, his expression blank and cold, not surprised that he was losing yet another person.

"Get off-" he struggled with me for a few seconds, then reached around his neck and pulled off the Horcrux, tossing it across the floor. It landed with a clang a metre from Harry. My arms were still reached out towards him and he took a deep breath, snarling almost. I knew what he was going to say before he even said it.

"So- are you coming or staying?"

And now it was all on me. Hermione Granger, "Brightest Witch of her Age",or so they call me, and I had possibly the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. Books wouldn't help me now. "Hogwarts a History", would never have prepared me for this. I could feel my heart being split, a fraction of it leaning towards Harry, when I think of how we promised him that we would all do this together, how this needed to be done and the Dark Lord needed to be stopped. He couldn't do it without us!

But then my eyes flicked to Ron and I knew my answer before I'd even properly thought it out. I knew that I loved him, that I needed him, and that if he asked me to go anywhere with him, I would, because he's my Ron, and I wouldn't have things any other way.

Why did I have to make this choice now. Ron took one more step towards the tent and every cell in my body screamed. I took a step towards him, and his eyes widened, shocked and elated, that I had chosen him. How could he not know that it would never be any other way?

"Harry, I-"

"Go Hermione, this isn't your battle, go, be safe. I don't blame you"

And I believed him. I really did. He didn't blame me, or hate me for wanting to leave. But I made a promise, he is my best friend and I'm going to abandon him, what am I thinking? But Ron opened the flap to the tent and stepped outside and it was like a magnet, pulling me. I had to do this, I had to go with him because what would my life be like if I didn't? Would everything even be worth it? What would I even be fighting for? I ran over and grabbed my beaded bag and my coat, and tears streaming down my face, I lifted my hand to Harry's shoulder, and whispered,

"Sorry"

xoxoxoxox

Please leave me a **review**, depending on the response to this, I will continue. I have a few chapters written and know where I want this to go. Ratings _may_ change ;)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: wow thanks for the reviews guys. I am so excited about this story and I really want to get it right. A lot of people have said that they haven't seen this idea before. Wow! That is fantastic to hear, as I know a lot of plots are redone in potter-verse. Well, any-verse really. Anyway, I hope you like my next chapter. Don't forget to leave me a review, it gives me enthusiasm to write !

**Chapter 2**

After barely a few seconds in the rain, I was soaked to the core. My clothes rubbed against me as I took a few steps away from the tent, panicking as I looked around for Ron. I wiped my eyes, and pushed my hair out of my face. Where was he? Did he leave without me? Surely not- he would never- and there he was. Standing underneath a tree, running his hands through his hair, a look of impatience and anger splayed across his features. Impatience I see quite a lot really, when ever he's waiting for a meal, or wanting to use the bathroom when it's occupied, or simply sometimes when he's looking over at me, which is even more curious. Anger, I only saw on very special occasions. Sure, he gets annoyed and tends to have a temper, but not anger like this, never like this. The last time I saw him react this badly, George's ear had been blown off. I strode over to him and I thought of trying to calm him down, after all, now that the locket was off, maybe he would be more reasonable, maybe we could go back in and...

But I knew that idea was off the cards as soon as I came face to face with him. His face was red, his eyes narrowed, his fists clenched, and he was looking at me with such doubt, doubt that I never wanted to see in his eyes ever again. And before I had chance to register what was happening, we were someplace else.

I tripped and fell, landing in a soft cushy mess. Sand beneath my fingers, my clothes still soaked making the sand stick to every inch of me. It wasn't raining here, we must have gone far. I sat whilst Ron still stood and took in what had just happened. My hands shook and my heart thumped as I remembered Harry's cold expression when he realized that we were both going. Guilt hit me in waves. I looked at Ron and he mirrored my shocked expression.

"We left" I gasped, my hands covering my face in shock. I saw Ron visibly swallow, and some of the colour in his cheeks had returned after taking the locket off. It seemed he too, now felt regret. In fact, regret didn't even seem the appropriate word choice for my actions in the past few minutes. It was possibly the biggest mistake of my life. And there was nothing I could do. I struggled to get up against the sand, finally succeeding and looking around me for something, anything that could take us back.

"Hermione- stop. Hermione! It's no use!"

"No use! We've betrayed our best friend, we've abandoned him Ron!" I turned on the spot , running, looking, trying to find any sort of clue that could help us. I grabbed my beaded bag out of my sock. Maybe there was a book that could tell us about enchantments? Yes, that's it! There has to be some way to break them. I tipped my bag upside down and various things fell out in a cluttered tsunami. Clothes, books, potions, my dress from the wedding, a picture of mum and dad, some old notes and quills, everything fell out of this bag. My whole life fell out of this bag.

I spread everything across quickly, fumbling with things, my hands shaking. I grabbed an old school book, now covered in sand, and found the chapter on enchantments.

"Maybe there's something in here Ron look! If we can figure out how to..." I flicked through a couple more pages, and a few more, collecting sand onto the pristine pages as I went.

I looked up to find Ron still standing where I had left him. I took in a deep breath as my head still swam. "If we apperate now, we might be able to find Harry, he won't have gone far. Yes! Come on Ron! It says here" I indicated to the page on enchantments, yet I knew there was not one word that would be of any use. I scrambled up, shoving things back into my bag, hearing smashes and crashes as everything fell to the bottom. I grabbed my red dress and shoved it on top of a few books, remembering the last time I wore it, gliding across the dance floor, and looking at it now, covered in sand, ink and dirt. It seems an ink bottle had smashed, my hands were soon covered in it. I shoved the bag back in my sock, I could feel the gritty sand collecting there, and held out my hand for him. He looked down at me with obvious sadness, and written all over his face were the things I already knew. Even if we apperated now, only an intense disappointment would greet us on the other side, not the best friend we knew and loved. The concealment and enchantments would prevent us hearing or seeing him, or having any contact at all. I knew this of course, it was simple OWL material, and yet I was grasping at invisible straws. My lip wobbled as I looked up at Ron, my hand still held out towards him, and both of us knew without saying it, what a huge mistake we had made. Ron's left cheek was starting to look a bit swollen after the scuffle with Harry, and I felt myself starting to crumble. My knees gave way, and he caught me, shushing me and rocking me back and forth as I cried.

"What are we going to do?" I sobbed.

"We'll be okay-and Harry, I promise, listen Bill's cottage is over there, we can stay for a bit, work out what we're going to do next"

Exasperation flared up in me.

"Is that all you're bothered about?" I sniffed, wiping my nose on my sleeve, pushing him away. I stood up and took a few steps back, making sure there was enough distance between us "Some food in your belly and a warm bed to sleep in?" Ron was still knelt on the floor, his expression confused.

"No! You know that's not what I-"

"It's what you've been moaning about for weeks on end, "Hermione I'm cold!", "Do me a cup of tea Hermione?", "Hermione, is this all there is for dinner?". Well it all makes sense now!"

"No Hermione-"

"You don't seem very enthusiastic about helping me! There might be a way, you don't know that. Wizards and witches have gotten around complex magic before, if we work together we could do this! We could get back to Harry before it's too late!"

"I don't want to go back. Can't you see!" he bellowed at me. He stood up and looked at me like I didn't understand at all. Maybe I didn't. Maybe everything I thought I ever knew was wrong. "Can't you see that Hermione?

"But we made a promise Ron, we promised him we'd all do this together"

"If you want to go off and try and find Harry, then by all means go! Have fun and send me a postcard why don't you. Tell your boyfriend I said hi" he started to walk away once more.

"Ron, come back! There's nothing going on between us, there never has and there never will be, and I can't believe you sacrificed your friends safety over some stupid insecurity!"

"Listen. To. Me" he stopped right in front of me, glaring into my eyes. "We've been at it for months Hermione, and what have we got so far? Food poisoning and a loss of limb that's what we've got! I don't see the point in carrying on what we've been doing because it's getting us nowhere. Harry was about as close to destroying that locket as he was to finding the rest of them. And you know it so don't berate me for my choices. I see the doubt in your eyes every time you watch Harry reading the map, or tapping on the side of that bloody golden snitch. It could take years to find another one, and us freezing our arses off and struggling to stay alive in the meantime isn't going to help!"

"Well leaving wasn't the answer!"

"Well I gave you the choice didn't I, you could have chose Harry!" he half screamed at me.

"And go against every gut instinct I have?" I screamed back, not realizing what I had said until it was too late. I felt my cheeks heat up despite the cool sea breeze, and I saw Ron's movements freeze before me. I watched his eyes, flickering across me, trying to deduced the meaning behind my words. I looked away from him, scared that he would be able to read me, to see the lust behind my eyes, or worse, to see the love behind them.

I wondered what Harry was doing right now. Did he wait by the tent entrance, expecting us to come back? Did he hear us apperate? Does he know that there are some wild berries and some bread in a cupboard in the kitchen- and that they've only got a preservation charm to last the next two days? He should know this! I should have told him. I expect he's sitting at the tent entrance, keeping watch. I hope to God he remembers to place the concealment charms before he sleeps- he knows they begin to weaken every few days.

I remembered the young boy of eleven, who went to face Lord Voldemort with no fear at all, who once told me that Ron and I were the first real family he'd ever had. I remember telling him that we were in this together, and that You- Know- Who would have to go through us before anything happened to him. Together was not what we were right now, and it made me sick to my stomach.

"Bill's going to kill you- us" I mumbled. I could feel my eyes stinging, my back aching and my stomach churning from the recent apparation.. And yet it didn't even compare to the pain my my heart at the thought of Harry being cold and alone, wearing the Horcrux twenty four hours a day, focusing on nothing but the Hallows and Horcruxes.

"No...he won't judge. We can't say too much about – you know- everything. Harry told me-" he stopped, brushing his hair out of his eyes. It had gotten far too long. "We just need to stay calm and -"

"Calm" I hissed "You want to be calm?"

He blinked and said nothing.

"You want me to be calm? After what we've just done? They should lock us up and throw away the key!" I strode forward and shoved him. He stumbled backwards, but not my much. My futile efforts were not lost however, as I managed to strike the side of his face that wasn't already swollen.

"There! Now at least you will match!"

"Stop it! Just stop Hermione! There's going to be a way out of this-"

"There shouldn't have been a way in! We should be with Harry right now! Its my turn to watch!"

"There's nothing we can do. It's done".

I toned my voice down to barely a whisper. He let go of my arm and held my stern eye contact. "If something happens to Harry... how will we know?"

Ron had no answer, he just turned and carried on walking towards the cottage by the sea.

xoxoxoxoxox

**Reviews** my lovely readers? It is, what I call, fantastic, to receive a review ;)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Okay firstly I know a lot of people were saying Hermione should stop throwing the fact that they left in Ron's face, but you have to remember, when it comes to Ronald, and the matters of the heart, Hermione can be very torn and angry (need we mention half blood prince, post Lav -Lav kiss, the birds she sent at Ron), even though Hermione is a bright girl, bright witch for that matter, she is like any of us and if she's angry, needs something to take it out on. Sadly in this case, it happens to be Ron. Lack of Ron's emotion was because I feel he was still angry, yet guilty. Ron is a very stubborn guy, and I think it might take some time for him to truly accept that it was wrong to leave. Thanks for the reviews, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Btw, as I'm writing this, one year ago today was the London Premier for Deathly Hallows Part 2. I still remember crying at Jo's speech. My how time flies.

Chapter 3 

"Sorry".

Her hand left my shoulder and I was alone in the tent. They were gone, I was deserted. It didn't surprise me really, I mean, everyone leaves eventually. Parents, Sirius, Dumbledore. I was naïve to think they would stick around too. I walked over to the kitchen counter, turning on the tap and splashing the cold water onto my face, soothing the swelling that was forming under my left eye. I had to hand it to Ron, he had a good punch on him. I could still feel my heart beating a hundred miles an hour after our fight. I think that's the worst we've ever fought. Sure, there was the incident in fourth year, but that was childish squabbling compared to this.

I heard a noise near the tent entrance and whipped around, expecting him to be standing there, Hermione by his side, looking apologetic and wearing that stubborn expression that we know too well. But he wasn't. And then I heard it.

Crack.

I knew this was coming, it was inevitable really. I noticed the two of them, night after night, stealing glances at each other, finding comfort in each other, and then judging me when ever I found comfort in the map. Just seeing her name, instantly calmed me down. To know Ginny was walking about Hogwarts, not so much safe, but alive, and well, and with the others was all I could hope for. I would do the same, had Ginny made me choose. 'Obsessed' was the word I heard often.

Anger coursed through me as I remembered Ron's words "Your parents are dead, you have no family!" How bloody dare he? What was the crap he'd been feeding me for years then? "Come to our's this summer, Mum considers you a son anyway, she'd be happy to have you" and "Your part of the family now Harry, there's no getting out of wearing the famous Weasley sweaters". Was it just utter bullshit that he'd been feeding me? Lies, lies lies. It seemed everyone I have ever trusted has lied straight to my face.

"When all of this is over, we'll start new, you can come and live with me" Sirius, lies.

"Were in this together" Hermione. Lies.

"I will protect you Harry" Dumbledore. Lies.

"Your family now Harry" Ron. Lies.

I slammed my fists down on the kitchen counter top, and the cupboard door swung open to my right. In there, on the second shelf, was a slice of bread and some wild berries, surrounded by a feint blue glow. I took them, and the glow ceased. Hermione must have put a charm on them. I breathed out, feeling the chain there, around my neck, pressing against my heart, making me feel as cold as stone, cut off from all of the emotion that I wasn't willing to feel. I took off the Horcrux, placing it on the counter-top.

And then it hit me, every single human feeling that a person could ever experience. Guilt, regret, sadness, anger, relief, dread, and then, strangely, euphoria. Because I knew, that where ever Ron and Hermione were, they weren't with me, and that was good.

Because when it came down to it, I couldn't blame them, Ron and Hermione. I always had the intention of doing this alone, that was the whole point of sneaking out the night before the wedding. It was me, against him, and Ron and Hermione getting in the way was only going to complicate things. They were only going to get hurt, and one more person getting killed because of me isn't going to do any good.

People tend to die when ever I'm around. If no-one's around then it makes sense that I have to be the next to die – right?

Me or him.

I sat at the kitchen table, pulling out the map, the cup, the locket, the shard of mirror and started the mantra once again.

What am I missing?

**Review my dear reader?  
**

**GP X**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I sipped my tea as I dabbed at my hands with a rag. I hadn't even noticed that something in my bag must have caught me until I noticed the drops of blood on my coat. Bill and Ron had gone for a walk on the beach, it seems he didn't want to look at me at the moment, and I can't blame him really. I have no right to take this out on him. He gave me a choice; I chose, and that's the end of the story. If Ron didn't want to be on the hunt, then that was his choice. I keep forgetting that, in a time like this, choices are all that we have left. They are what make us really, they are what separates good from evil.

I watched as small figures walked together at the far side of the beach, seemingly in deep conversation. Bill and Fleur, well shocked wouldn't even describe how they reacted when we arrived at their door, dripping wet, covered in sand and looking worse for wear. Fleur gasped, rambling in French as she widened the door and summoned some towels for us, lighting the fire and fussing just like Mrs. Weasley as Bill and Ron shared looks that was obvious they were communicating without having to actually speak. I do wonder often, what it's like to have a sibling. Someone who not only shared your mothers womb, but who also shared DNA, childhood memories and common interests. I suspect it's like how Harry and I communicate, only with a much deeper bond. I only have to look at Harry or Ron sometimes, and I can tell right away if they're worried, or if they're in a bad mood. Of course with Ron, things are complicated. Much more complicated.

Fleur asked if I'd like another cup of tea, and I thanked her, accepting her offer. It had been a while since I'd had tea with sugar in it, proper tea, with clean water and fresh milk. I heard the kettle whistle and guilt ate its way through me once again. Harry would probably be drinking tea right now, but without the luxuries that came with a cottage by the sea. She brought it over a few minutes later, looking strangely motherly, a concerning look never leaving her features, her eyes showing clear stress and worry. The last time someone looked at me like that, it was my own mother. I remember her walking into my room, I remember smelling her perfume as she sat next to me on my bed. It was just before I replaced their memories. She said I'd been in my room a lot since we got back, and she asked how things were with Ron. I remember blushing, my eyes flickering over to the dresser in which letters stood, all from him. I wondered if he kept any of mine, that I sent him. I suppose one day I'll have to ask. My lip wobbled as I thought of my mother, and I pushed it aside. Now was not the time. My eyes flicked back to the window.

I wondered what Bill and Ron would be talking about. I caught the concerned look that Bill gave to Ron, nodding towards me as they left the room. Ron just shook his head and continued walking, as though I wasn't even there. Ron can be like that sometimes though, he ignores the problem and hopes it goes away. He's out there with Bill right now, walking away his troubles, scared to come back here and face me, face the wet clothes that hung by the fire and the soggy boots by the front porch because they only reminded him of what's happened. Whereas I had to look at my hands, and the corner of my coat, and the memory of the goodbye with Harry that Ron didn't even have to experience. There have been many times I've had to say goodbye to Harry, at the end of the year it would be a "See you soon", or "Don't forget to write", but never would I have walked away voluntarily, especially when he needed me the most. What had changed in me? Had loving Ron made me so receptive to change? Of course, I knew the answer to that. No. I have my own mind, and of course loving Ron changes the way I think about things, I mean how could it not? When ever there's danger, in fact even when there's not, he's always there, at the back of my mind, sometimes at the front. I could be doing a charms essay, or baking a cake, and somehow I can lead every single thing in my life back to him. Which scares me a lot. Charms essay...Ron hates charms. Cake...Ron loves cake. The beach, with the waves crashing against the banks...we had a conversation once about how we'd all go on holiday when all this was over, and Ron mentioned how he loves the beach, in fact he brought up the happy memories he'd had as a child at this very cottage.

But that was before. Before the war, before the death and the chaos, and I suppose the human body can only take so much before it has to shut down. Maybe this was my way of shutting down. I had always had curves, I'd noticed Ron stealing glances at them once of twice before, but I'm a ghost of the girl I once was. My clothes hung off me, my hair matted and straw-like. My cheek bones pale and sunken. Not that that's any excuse. I could clench my teeth through the hunger, I could wear more clothes to keep warm. There was always a way of getting around it. But when Ron said he was leaving, there was no alternative option. I had to go, I had to leave with him because – because! He is Ron, my Ron. I'd already lost Mum and Dad, who knew if I would ever see them again? I couldn't take the chance of letting Ron wonder into the night, with no way of knowing if he was going to be alright or where he was going to go. My heart skipped a beat just thinking about it. It was like there was a magnetism between us, we were polar opposites, and yet I'm drawn to him, like no words can describe. If there is anything worth looking forward to at the end of this war then it would have to be him. Finding my parents, and telling Ron how I feel. Because keeping it a secret isn't doing much good either.

I heard voices and soon footsteps across the porch and then they entered the room. Ron took off Bill's coat, handing it to him and I watched as his eyes searched the room, looking for me. As soon as his eyes found mine, I felt myself relax in the warmth that was there. He looked a bit better, a bit more flushed in the cheeks. He walked forwards, taking the chair opposite me, and looked out of the window. We said nothing for a few minutes, watching a seagull fly in circles on the beach, diving to catch its prey, but alas, the tide went out and it was not a success.

"I'm really sorry" I found myself whispering. I hadn't even known that the words left my lips until he looked at me, his eyes searching mine for an explanation.

"What for. It's not your fault Hermione- wha- what the hell happened to your hand?" he had reached across for my hand, and there on the palm of my right hand was a gash, not deep enough to be serious, but deep enough to have drawn blood. "When -?"

"Something in my bag must have caught it, I threw things in not thinking. Something's broken, a pot of ink maybe"

"Why didn't you show me- here let me" he reached across for the rag, but I placed my hands on top of his and pushed them away.

"You need to listen to me first. My hands fine, I've had some Dittany on it, it looks worse than it is".

He pulled his hands back, looking rejected, and I instantly regretted my actions. I smiled at him, and continued;

"I'm sorry, for the shouting, the pushing, the-" I felt myself flush at my earlier actions, regretting the nature n which I treated Ron "- behavior that I earlier addressed you with. None of this is your fault. Neither is it mine, nor Harry's but I think this has been coming for a while. There is only so much you can handle when under such pressure and confinement, and I think that we all needed a way out. It was just a shame that it happened like this".

He looked at me for a moment, taking in what I had said. "I'm sorry I made you choose. I should never have done that, there's no excuse Hermione I-"

"I would have always chosen you no matter what. I thought we covered this earlier".

"No, that's not my point. It doesn't matter who you choose, I should never have made you. You shouldn't have to choose, don't you see? If you chose Harry, well then that's something I would have had to accept"

"In an alternate reality somewhere, I would have chose Harry, and the only reason for that would have been because I felt I owed it to Harry, as his friend, to continue hunting for the Horcruxes with him"

"And now?"

"Now we will have to come up with a plan B is all" I nudged the rag towards him and he picked it up, and began dabbing at my hand gently. I tried not to allow my heart to race at a time like this, but I couldn't help it. His fingers touching my skin, so delicately, like he was afraid I would break.

"Plan B" he echoed. We heard footsteps behind us, and both of us blushing, I withdrew my hand and we tried to put as much distance between us as possible. Fleur coughed, and we turned towards her, Bill stood by her side.

"How is your hand Hermione?" Bill asked kindly.

"Better, thank you". He looked pleased at this news, and nodded.

"Tomorrow, we are going to discuss what is going to be done next, but for now we need to rest". It seemed the days and nights had blended into one over the past months, it seemed surreal to go to sleep just because it was dark. Right about now I would just be finishing watch, and it would be Ron's turn. I would never sleep though, I would close my eyes but I would be on edge for hours, jumping at any small noise, certain that he was in danger, that he was going to be hurt. I nodded at Fleur.

"We both have clothes you can borrow, and you can both take the rooms on the top floor, there are already beds made" Fleur said. Ron nodded, thanking Fleur and went to step forward. My mind rushed at the thought of Ron across the hall from me, alone in an empty room.

"Okay?" Bill raised his eyebrows, placing his hand on Ron's shoulder. I watched it there for a second, slightly jealous of the human contact. It had been a while since a simple hug was initiated between myself and anyone else. I didn't see Ron's expression as I followed him up the three flights of stairs, something you wouldn't believe the cottage had from the outside, but I'm sure his expression would have been similar to mine, exhausted, drained, sad, yet guilty relief. We finally reached the top floor, and the doors facing each other, even thought they were only a few metres apart, seemed miles. I turned towards the right, and Ron towards the left. I felt myself being pulled again, like a magnet, towards him, and I turned, but he was already there, with his arms open.

There is only one way I can describe when I am in Ronald Weasley's arms, and that's home. I have said it before, and I will say it many times again, but I only ever feel safe, and complete when I am here, his heart beating against mine through the layers that separated us. And then I turned and bade him goodnight, shutting the door, putting on the fresh bed clothes that were placed at the bottom of my bed and sighing. I'm sorry I left his arms, I wish I was back there, but I was afraid that if I didn't pull away from his arms at that moment, I never would.

xoxoxo

GP X


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the long wait, I've been on holiday and have been rather busy. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 5

I lay in bed, my heart heavy knowing he was meters away from me, untouchable, unreachable. I wanted more than anything to get up from this cold bed in this dark room, the rain pattering against the window, and walk across the hallway, knock on the door and embrace him, to have his arms around me once more. As soon as contact was lost between us, I felt an emptiness inside me, a loss really, like he was gone and not coming back. But that was insane. I'm sure if I asked for a hug, he would give me one. Except I would never want to stop at a hug, I would always want more, the question is, does he?

I turned my pillow over, feeling relief as the cold side hit my face, soothing me, my cheeks flushed as my thoughts grew deeper and darker by the second. I remembered his reaction when he entered the living room after his walk along the beach with Bill. His eyes flicked to me, then back to Fleur, sweeping her frame. How stupid of me not to realize it? I mean, look at her, I never really stood a chance did I? I, Hermione, best friend to Ron, best friend and nothing more apparently. What would happen if I walked into his room right this second, wearing nothing but night clothes, and offered myself to him? Would he be shocked, then agree. After all, he is a teenage boy and it's been a long time since Lavender. One would presume that his hormones would need the satisfaction, and I, being a women, would be able to give him that. And how would I react? If he agreed, no questions asked? If there was no emotion behind it but merely lust, sexual desire. I, knowing myself better than anyone else of course, would agree, regardless of that fact that I was doing it out of love and he was not.

Or maybe there would be a blunt "no", and that would be the end of it. When I shouted at him earlier that day on the beach, and I told him it was my every instinct to go with him, I noticed how he didn't respond to that, and I had to go ahead and change the topic. He had nothing to say, because there was nothing _to _say. How was he supposed to respond to that if he didn't feel the same as me? If Harry said something like that to me, I'm sure I would be shell shocked and struggling for words because my feelings do not lie with him, they lie with the gorgeous ginger caring man across the hall from me, only he didn't know it.

Or what- what if there was indeed a yes. What if he mirrored my feelings? But how could I truly know? I have had infatuations with different boys in the past, and every time I move on, I know from the bottom of my heart that they were not the one, because after a week, there's someone new, someone else to gossip about and flirt with. There was Cormac, who I know, was a vile pig, but as shallow as it is to say, rather good looking. I remember the once he walked past me on the way to the Gryffindor changing rooms after a match, and as I went down the greet Ron and Harry, he stripped his shirt off right then and there. Now, my love for Ron was every present, but I cannot deny that the image in front of me at the time wasn't attractive. It would be insane not to. It was just a shame his personality didn't match him. Then, before Cormac there was Viktor, and we all know how that went. I tutted thinking about the confusing butterflies that he gave me. I often questioned whether I truly felt for him, and looking back I can honestly say I didn't. He was attractive, kind, caring, and probably perfect in every way. But I don't want perfect, I want Ron. I want his stupid rows and his ungodly manners, I want his ability to belch the alphabet, and his passion for the worst Quidditch team in history. And there we are, back to Ron again. I can't help myself can I? I remember the very first boy I ever fancied, David Fields. He was a client of my mother and fathers, often coming into the surgery because of his braces. I always thought they looked rather cute. Freckles, braces, a cute smile. What wasn't to like? Oh, that and the fact that he turned out to like boys. I went home the summer after fifth year and one day I went into work with my parents. He was there, braces off, getting a check up. I remember feeling like a silly school girl, gushing over this cute boy that I once knew, know grown up and muscles to match, Ron at the back of my mind even then of course. I saw the way my mother smiled when I asked him how he was, what he was doing now. He replied he has just started college, and that he'd recently moved in with his new boyfriend. I replied "How lovely" and walked away feeling rather embarrassed, much to the amusement of my mother.

One thing that does surprise me though, is how when ever I've had a boy on my mind, my mother can tell and she will always, always question me about it. I suppose, being her only child, only daughter at that, she likes to feel involved in these things, up to date. She laughed on the way home at my attempt to flirt with David, knowing full well that he preferred the opposite sex, and she knew instantly in second year when I blushed a vivid red in Flourish and Blotts when we were introduced to Gilderoy Lockheart. However, the curious thing is that she has never once questioned me about Ron. I have a stack of letters in my room, all from Ron dating back to nearly three years ago, and she has come across them before when cleaning, I know it because they've been moved when the duster comes out, but not once has she ever brought it up or questioned me when I go red when dad mentions his name. I suppose only a women can understand how close these matters lie to the heart.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Hermione, can I come in?"

My heart jumped into my throat, and I pulled the blankets up a bit further, then regretted it. I felt like Ron had been reading my mind, hearing my thoughts, but then scolded myself for thinking such a silly thing. So many things flashed through my mind. Shall I show him some skin? Gauge his reaction? Or was that a dangerous game to play? Should I pretend to be asleep, and hope he goes back to his room, leaving me be with my heavy heart or should I take the risk?

And then before I had chance to think these things through, an unnerving wave of guilt crashed over me. We were in comfy warm beds, me thinking of Ron and love and happiness, when we had barely been away from Harry more than day. He was out there, alone, cold and possibly angry, and I was here, thinking of ways to lure Ron into my bed. Sickness overwhelmed me, and I pulled the covers up to my neck, placing my head on my pillow and fighting back the tears. I coughed, clearing my throat and replied:

"Sure Ron, come in"

He opened the door and there he stood, in some of Bill's nightclothes, a t-shirt and trousers, that surprisingly fit him well, looking lost and wary.

"I just wondered if you were up, I couldn't sleep"

I smiled. "Neither can I, have a seat"

He smiled at me gratefully, shutting the door with a click and sitting gently on the edge of my bed.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Harry"

His smiled instantly dropped and I felt guilty for our light hearted conversation. But as guilty as I felt I couldn't help admit to myself that I felt better than I had ten minutes ago, when the room was empty and I had only myself for company. He was actually here! Sitting on the bottom of my bed, in Bill's t-shirt, which by the way displayed some quite handsome muscles, his hair ruffled and looking as adorable as ever.

"Ron?"

"Yes?"

"How many people can you say you have ever truly cared for?"

"Well- that would be a lot of people, my family is rather massive" he grinned

I rolled my eyes. "I meant like- you know- girls"

What on earth made me ask that?

"Oh" he blushed and looked at his hands which were picking at my blanket.

"Well- my first 'crush' if you want to call it that, was a girl called Lucy. She was a muggle, she had no idea I was a wizard and Dad took me to a playground the once, when I was about 7 and we stayed there all day. The parents chatted and I pushed her on the swing. It was rather cute looking back on it" he chuckled. "I asked her round to my house to play and she said she'd ask her mum but she never did. I guess she forgot by the end of the day. That or her parents got put off by my dad's questions on muggle culture" he grinned.

I laughed. "Any more girls I should know about?"

"Well- you know all the rubbish that happened last year"

I nodded.

"And I suppose had Pansy Parkinson been in Gryffindor-"

"Ron!"

"I'm joking, I'm joking, nothing could help her"

He seemed to think for a moment, his eyes flicking to my face and back to his hands.

"And that's it I suppose"

"That's it? Really, your telling me that in your whole life, you've only ever liked Lucy and Lav- Lav"

Ron shot me an amused look, raising his one eyebrow. It took all my will power not to pounce.

"Well, you know, there has but no-one needs to know about what goes on in my mind now do they?"

"Oh?"

"Well- you remember I always had a thing for Madam Rosmerta. I mean come on, everyone did!"

I laughed loudly, slapping my hand over my mouth and listening for any movement on the floor below us. There was none, luckily.

"I knew it!" I said triumphantly. I couldn't help getting caught up in the moment."I knew it! I told Harry you fancied her and you completely denied it!"

"Oh come on Hermione, I was a 13 year old kid, you know how embarrassing those things can be, need I mention Lockheart?" he smirked.

"Okay, fair point"

Silence fell between us and I stifled a yawn behind my hand. He watched me lift my arms up, brushing back my hair and watched his eyes glide across my frame. I blushed, swallowing and I took a brave step.

"Do you want to stay in here?"

"In here?"

"With me"

"I- are you sure, I can go back to -"

"It would be nice- to have some company"

"Erm...okay". He lifted his shirt, giving me a glimpse of his hip bones and stomach, something I enjoyed looking at more than I should, and pulled his wand from his elasticated trousers. He flicked open the door silently, and another twitch of the wand and his pillow and blanket flew in, landed in a silent heap on the floor.

"Good non-verbal" I praised him.

"Thanks" he replied, his lips twitching into a half smile. He stood up and placed his pillow on the floor folding his blanket and half and laying down on it.

"Ron, the floor is much too cold, it makes sense we share" Gosh I was glad it was dark, my cheeks were burning at the words that had escaped from me. He visibly swallowed and looked at the tiny bed.

"How do you wanna-"

"Well, it's a cold night and if you put both blankets on, I'm just saying it would be better for the both of us"

"At the bottom or-"

I lifted my side of the blanket up and he sat down. I lifted my legs in, our feet touching and brought the other blanket on top of us. I put the pillow behind me and yawned.

"Thanks Hermione" he whispered to me, his sock covered feet touching mine.

"Your welcome" I had no idea what I was being thanked for. I turned side ways and I felt his hand on my hip, his breath on the back of my neck. His left leg lifted mine up gently and he left it there, his one long leg between my two shorter ones, his foot touching my toes, keeping them warm.

"Is this okay?"

"Its fine" I whispered, not letting myself get caught up in the moment. My emotions were going into overdrive, my hormones taking over, but before I could think of act, my brain was foggy and my muscles ached as the days events caught up with me. I closed my eyes, reaching my hand behind me and placing it on top of Ron's as it rested on my hip. Our fingers entwined slightly, and I smiled.

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think Harry will forgive us?"

This shocked me for a moment. A few hours ago, Ron didn't seem to want to be forgiven, he didn't want to return to Harry and that tent, he wanted to walk away. It seemed however, that his mind was now having different ideas, catching up with today's events.

I thought for a moment, remembering the cold look that Harry wore as I said my last words to him. But then I remembered all of the times we have all had together, everything we've been through and the struggles that we've all had to face.

"I'm sure that Harry understood why we left in the moment. And I'm sure he knows how much regret is felt over the matter"

We lay in silence for a few more minutes until I heard Ron take a breath.

"I know that walking away from the hunt was ...not my best decision. But-" I heard him swallow, his heart beat increasing in pace against my back as he moved closer under the blankets. I felt his breath on the back of my neck as I waited to hear what he wanted to say "- I'm glad that I'm here- with you..."

I felt a tear glide down my cheek as his face pressed to my upper back, his hand still intertwined with mine. I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could he spoke again, his voice wavering.

"I think if I was here on my own...and you would have chosen to stay with Harry- it would have probably killed me Hermione" he whispered.

I tried to control my breathing, but I knew he could feel my heart beat through my pulse on my wrist. I knew, and he knew, what we were trying to say without having to say it.

"It would have killed me to see you walk away" I said, in hushed tones. I let go of his hand and turned over, so we were facing each other. Dangerous territory this was, to be this close, and to be harboring such feelings, especially when I don't know for certain if they are returned.

A light flicked on in the hallway, and I jumped, reaching in the dark for my wand. Ron placed his hand on mine, placing a finger to his lips, telling me to hush. We heard voices, Bill and Fleur making their way up the stairs, to check on us no doubt. Ron saw the worried look on my face. What would Bill and Fleur think of us- not having been apart from Harry for a day and already jumping into bed with each other? I felt shame and guilt. But then I remembered the look they shared when we were in the room- like they were in on something we weren't.

Ron smiled at me and lay his head back down on the pillow. He took a deep breath in and I follow suite, drawing the blankets around us and settling down, closing my eyes as the footsteps got closer. A moment later the door opened and sure enough we heard a tut.

"See- what did I tell you" Fleur said to her husband.

"What do you expect me to do- wake them up and tell them off- they're adults darling"

"Yes, well- they will do well to respect the laws of this house. I know things are complicated between them-" she said in a hushed tone "- but I won't have it Bill"

I felt myself blush as I felt Ron tense next to me. I heard Bill chuckled.

"You sound like my mother, come on, let's leave them be until tomorrow"

They shut the door and I looked at Ron. He was looking at me- gauging my reaction. I gave him a feint smile and lay my head on his chest. If that wasn't a confirmation then I have no idea what is.

xoxoxox

Please drop me a **review**. My reviews have gone down a bit in the last couple of chapters. Drop by and tell me what you would like included in the story or how I can improve etc? Thanks for taking the time to read also guys !


	6. Chapter 6

Hello readers! I apologise a million times for the length of time it has been for me to update. I went away on holiday, then university started and I got a new job and assignments it's been crazy! Hope you're all well and here's another update for Sorry.

**Sorry**

**Chapter 6**

I woke up, my nose itching as I felt something brush up against it. What the bloody-

Oh.

Hermione.

I felt stunned as I turned my head to the right slightly, to see her sleeping peacefully, something that I hadn't seen in a really long time. I felt like even a flicker of my eyelash would wake her up, but she stayed still, her breathing deep and calm. It was things like this that made me grateful that she came with me in the end, to see her safe, and slumbered. Whether it be in my arms or not- she was here, alive and that was all that mattered. I could see every freckle on her nose, I could feel her heartbeat against mine, and her chest rising and falling. It was these small things that made me grateful we were safe, away from everything. As hard as it was to admit, it also meant being away from Harry.

Harry.

I huffed and looked up at the ceiling as I tried unsuccessfully to control my emotions, but there was no denying it now, the guilt was hitting me in waves. I felt how warm my toes were under the blankets, and I knew that Harry would most definitely be shivering, wet and cold, hungry and lonely, and more than anything, angry and feeling betrayed. And that was what hurt the most. I remembered back to when we were twelve years old "I'll take the knight". I took on danger for him more than I've had hot dinners, and I don't regret it one bit. Harry was like my brother, and according to the second task in third year, I was the one that meant the most to him. And I had betrayed him. I had walked away, and I had taken Hermione with me.

My only hope was that he was safe, and that he would understand. He would understand my rationale and he would understand that I am sorry for the things I said, especially since I never meant any of them.

My eyes flicked back to Hermione, and I told myself I had my reasons. I remember being quite surprised when I found out that I was Harry's 'most treasured possession' back in fourth year, but also guilty at the same time. There was no way, after seeing Hermione in her dress robes, that I could have said truthfully that Harry was mine, because this was not the case. She meant everything to me, truly everything and after this war is over and done with I'm going to make sure she knows it. She came with me right? That must count for something.

Harry will hate me for a while, that's obvious, but I'm hoping that he will understand. If it was Ginny, and he had to make sure she was safe and if he loved her as much as I love Hermione, well then he'd understand. He has to.

My heart beat picked up as Hermione turned over, exhaled, and shuffled closer to me, her nose nudging my neck and nuzzling into me until she got comfortable. I swallowed, trying to calm my heartbeat but I still couldn't grasp that this was happening. I was in bed _with_ Hermione. This wasn't happening. I blushed as I recalled Bill and Fleur's conversation the night before. They must have thought we were asleep but it was obvious that both of us heard every word. They obviously thought something was going on between us. Truth is though, I honestly didn't care. Who gave a kneazle's nut what anyone thought really? I mean, Hermione's here, she's still my friend, she chose me.

_She chose me._

I blinked rapidly. I never thought I'd be saying those words to myself. But there was still that part of me that doubted it, that doubted everything really. What if she chose me because she didn't think I'd cope on my own? Poor old defenceless Ron, unable to even do a quick non-verbal spell, how would he cope in the big bad world on his own? I bet that's one of the contributing factors. "I'll be the knight". Yes, yes, it was all a good plan, made you look like the hero but what happened then? Hermione had to stay behind and look after you; Harry had to go it alone. Third year, I managed to break my leg whilst trying to help on a very vital mission towards the Whomping Willow. Fifth year, do we even need to mention the brains? It's all rather embarrassing to look back on. It all adds up now doesn't it? She's here because she thinks she needs to protect you. Harry has shown to everyone he can cope on his own, he can destroy Voldemort and only he can do that so Hermione thought she'd keep a close eye on me. Yeah...that must be it.

_But she's said she wanted company._

I felt Hermione's toes rub against my knees. Last night she told me I could stay, she said it was okay. Would she have said this to Harry too? Would anyone else be allowed into her bed as willingly as she allowed me? There were so many questions that I had swimming around in my head, too scared to find out the answers. We talked about all sorts of things last night, and she brought up girls. She actually seemed fascinated and slightly annoyed when we approached the Lavender topic. Though she and Lavender never did get on, in any other situation, say this girl wasn't Hermione, I'd say she was jealous, and her emotions had gotten the better of her.

But that's crazy isn't it? Look at her! Just bloody look at this gorgeous girl I'm sharing a bed with! The amount of times I've fantasised about this, just lying here, peacefully, with her in my arms. The thought of her being in someone else's arms, it sickens me. No-one could ever give her as much as I could. Maybe in value, they could provide her with a big house and nice brooms and everything a girl could want, but I could give so much more. I'd put every ounce of my being into her if I had the chance. If only she'd wake up one day and realize it. Or if only I matched up to her level.

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and the sunrise seeping in through the curtains told me it wasn't as early as I previously thought. I heard a slight tap on the door, and moving Hermione gently and placing the cover back over her, I tip toed over to the door and cracked it open an inch. There was Fleur looking radiant carrying a tray of tea and toast. I put my finger tips to my lips, signalling to her that Hermione was still asleep. She gave me a look telling me that she clearly disapproved but I shrugged it off, thanked her and shut the door.

When I turned back round I nearly dropped the tray in shock as Hermione was sitting up in bed, looking at me in amusement, but her eyes were still filled with worry and anguish from the previous day's events.

"Oh. You're awake"

"I am".

"You er- you sleep well?" I felt myself blushing and cursing myself for bringing up such an awkward topic. This was Hermione and she might be regretting it now. She needed time to think about it and let me down gently if she was.

"Fine. You're really warm to sleep next to. Could have come in handy in the tent".

I stood in the doorway shocked, holding the tray of tea and toast and she looked at me expectantly.

"Oh. Want some?"

"Well you're not going to eat it all yourself".

"I could" I grinned.

"Doesn't mean I'm going to let you", she raised her eyebrows warningly.

I placed the tray on the bed and munching and sips of tea filled the room for the next few minutes.

"So Fleur thought we were up to no good, apparently. I can't see why she'd think that at all".

My stomach dropped to the floor. I knew it was always going to go this way, just look at your tea and say nothing. Hermione's a friend, and nothing more and getting your hopes up was always going to end badly, you should have known that by now, stupid really.

"Nor me".

"I mean, we've been away from Harry for barely a day and a half. We've more pressing matters" she took another sip of her tea and tucked some hair behind her ears "...plus I think neither of us have that sort of energy at the moment. Barely keeping this food down as it is".

I nearly choked on my toast as I heard her words. Energy. Pressing matters. That wasn't a no.

_It wasn't a no!_

"So...share your bed with any old Tom, Dick or …..Harry?" I grinned, letting her know that I was joking but I knew that she knew I wanted answers. Bit of a push really, we hadn't properly sorted things out yet and I knew she was still mad about us apparating away. I was mad. I wondered if I'd ever not feel mad towards the subject.

"Ron! What on earth are you implying?" I could tell she was trying to joke, but really we both knew that there were unanswered questions.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Just curious is all. If it wasn't me here-"

"Then I wouldn't be either".

"What?"

"If you weren't here, then why would I be here?"

She said it in the simplest of voices, small and weak, and yet it struck to the very bottom of my heart. I don't know if she meant it in the way I took it, but I had never heard anything so capturing.

"I mean-" she began to explain, her cheeks reddening "If you wouldn't have left-" her voice grew smaller, it was obvious she was trying not to make me feel bad "- then I wouldn't have left because there would have been no reason to. It's just logical really".

"Right. Logical"

"And no"

"No?"

"I don't know what you think of me Ron Weasley, but you are the first".

"The first" my voice cracked.

She raised her eyebrows at me in a 'don't make me explain it' sort of way and I nodded, gulping and trying not to grin like the fool that I was. We sipped our tea once more and I tried to ignore the fact that Hermione was still in her nightgown, one bare leg hanging out of the blankets and swinging freely over the side of the bed. I gulped down the last of my tea and she was looking at me expectantly once more.

"So" I started. "What's the plan for today?"

"Well. I think our ultimate aim is to try and find Harry again correct? "

"I-"

I've been thinking about it and I've decided there's no more moping, no more fighting or blaming, we need to find Harry again and that's that. Whatever's done is done as long as we put it right".

"So, you want to go on a hunt of our own? Won't we just be in more danger, if we can't find Harry since he will have put up the protective enchantments?"

"There are always ways around things Ron… stop being so negative. Now, go and get dressed and when you come back, I want to go over the plan I have in mind for us. Go!"

I looked towards the door, the ever uninviting door, which would enter me into a corridor away from Hermione. A cold, empty corridor, with no Hermione-ness. I decided I didn't like that door.

"But-"

"We need a plan of action" she pushed her plate to the end of the bed and flung back the covers. Two very smooth knee caps and calves made their appearance and I decided going out of the room might be a very good idea actually. These sights were not good for one's state of mind.

"We need to find our way back to Harry and- ouch" she pulled at the bandage on her hand, from where the glass had cut her previously. "We don't have all the time in the world".

xoxoxoxo

Again, sorry for the long time for this update. Things are now more back on track.Also, introducing **Rhmac12** as my new Beta, so a huge thanks to them. Wish to read more? You know what to do!

GP99 x


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